3 things that make you the best person to be around

Motivational Monday

This video is about 3 things that make you the best person to be around.

Original Vlog/Blog November 04, 2019 on Real Counseling: 3 things that make you the best person to be around. Check out more of my Vlogs/Blogs on my Real Counseling Inc website.

Mark Tovar is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in the State of Texas and has worked in many areas of mental health: schools; treatment centers; judicial systems; colleges and universities; and with leaders and executives in our community. His passion is to help people lead more productive and fulfilling lives. He wants to empower you to improve your relationships, accomplish your goals, and still have time for you! Call (210) 588-0863 or email mark@realcounselinginc.com  to set up a FREE 15-minute consultation. Visit Mark Tovar’s Profile.

When You Hate Your Job

Many people have concerns regarding their career and fulfillment. We can often become stuck in a pattern that we recognize as unhealthy and continue to struggle despite identifying it as unhealthy. We are conditioned to believe that we should be grateful to even have permanent employment. But what happens when the cost of this job does not meet with our vision, mission or values, or even worse, becomes detrimental to your life?

Every professional I speak with, who has had a few years in the work arena, has a story. Despite the ubiquitous nature of the topic, thousands of employees find themselves feeling isolated, tired, depressed, unmotivated and wanting to retreat. Signs of sickness, toxic behavior or mental stress are experienced by us all in short bursts. Long periods, however, drain energy and can lead to a shortened life span. Only you can define what is acceptable. Remember to monitor your physical and mental health throughout the process. Know that no process is the same and the steps taken to make a transition may not always be linear.

Let’s explore and address concerns that will allow you to gain some power over your circumstance; because choice equals empowerment. The mere attempt to step out of this cycle is an act of courage. The most important thing is that you commit to a process of growth. Here are outlined steps to help you through this process:

    1. Increase the tasks you like within your current position-This may mean additional work but if it is what you like it may give you more energy.
    2. Confide in trusted co-workers to gain perspective and see if your experience is shared- Try not to be overly negative. Keep it framed on struggles you are having, without pushing blame on particular persons or departments. Keep the number of co-works you share with to a minimum, because you will have a tendency to over share and not everyone can keep this to themselves.
    3. Share with immediate family members of how any transitions would affect them- They can be a great source of encouragement.
    4. Utilize your  talents and transition to another department or another area of interest- Update your resume and research what is out there for your skill set. 
    5. Communicate with a trusted supervisor about how you feel- Perhaps they can help make a path for you or have connections outside that are valuable to your future.
    6. Take some time off to see if that space allows new thoughts or perspectives and actively work to change your mindset or focus.
    7. Engage in an activity that you know alleviates your stress (at least once a week) regardless of other responsibilities.
    8. Create a plan for how you would transition out of this position considering financial and life goals both long and short term- Be open to amending and restructuring as you go forward.
    9. Obtain professional guidance mental health, career, or spiritual professionals to help transition and continue checking in with them throughout this process. This will take time and you will change as a result so keep a support system active. 
    10. If you believe there are illegal or unethical issues surrounding your work there should be a sense of urgency in leaving your position. This can be among the most damaging to a person’s career and sense of self and must always be a top concern. 

Original Vlog/Blog November 13, 2019 on Real Counseling: When You Hate Your Job. Check out more of my Vlogs/Blogs on my Real Counseling Inc website.

Mark Tovar is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in the State of Texas and has worked in many areas of mental health: schools; treatment centers; judicial systems; colleges and universities; and with leaders and executives in our community. His passion is to help people lead more productive and fulfilling lives. He wants to empower you to improve your relationships, accomplish your goals, and still have time for you! Call (210) 588-0863 or email mark@realcounselinginc.com  to set up a FREE 15-minute consultation. Visit Mark Tovar’s Profile.

Let’s not worry about what people think.

If people don’t fit these three essential categories lets learn to not worry so much about what they think or say.

Original Vlog/Blog October 21, 2019 on Real Counseling: Motivation Monday. Do we really need to care about what people say?. Check out more of my Vlogs/Blogs on my Real Counseling Inc website.

Mark Tovar is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in the State of Texas and has worked in many areas of mental health: schools; treatment centers; judicial systems; colleges and universities; and with leaders and executives in our community. His passion is to help people lead more productive and fulfilling lives. He wants to empower you to improve your relationships, accomplish your goals, and still have time for you! Call (210) 588-0863 or email mark@realcounselinginc.com  to set up a FREE 15-minute consultation. Visit Mark Tovar’s Profile.

What therapist want you to know

There are a few things I need to mention:

  1. LMHP is used to refer to all mental health professionals who are licensed by their state to provide mental health counseling, therapy, or treatment.
  2. I do not include coaching or motivational speakers here who are not licensed to provide mental health treatment.
  3. I am assuming that the LMHP has three years of fully licensed experience and is in good standing.
  4. Psychiatrists are not included here, as they have a medical degree and their training is different.

 

Top 10 Things to Help You Navigate Mental Health Treatment

 

  1. There is little that an LMHP has not heard before. Please don’t be afraid to share your story with us. A crisis is so isolating, it can make you feel like you are the only one suffering. Fortunately, emotional pain is a universal language and an LMHP is fluent in the language and will help you translate and process it.
  2. Withholding parts of your story limits our ability to help. We do understand that it may take a few sessions for trust to form, but we can only work with what you give us. We don’t actually try to figure you out; it’s a partnership.
  3. LMHP’s have been taught processes for: communication, empathy, listening, problem-solving, decision making, emotional control and stress reduction. Just like a plumber who finds a leak, the LMHP applies the tools that they have according to experience. Not to say your therapist is not brilliant, but they are using a set theory developed by long-gone famous folks that has been tested and replicated.
  4. We are not judging you. You have already done that for too long. LMHP’s are there to to give you the support needed to move forward throughout your sessions.
  5. Therapists are not always in work mode. If you see us out in public, don’t worry. Your information is still private and we will never “out you.” However, if you approach us and ask about something we talked about in session, or you have a question for someone you know, this is probably not the time or place to have this type of discussion. Just remember, if we are not working, we are living life just like you.
  6. The most important things for good therapy outcomes are (a) your willingness to participate (b) you feeling like the therapist understands you. If you are not on the same page after 2- 3 sessions you should find someone else.
  7. If you don’t like something we say or the way the session is going, tell us so we can adjust. Therapy is not always emotionally pleasant, but you have a lot of options. If you went to a restaurant and the food was too salty, I hope you would ask for something else.
  8. Each therapist is an individual so when you say, “Yeah I went to therapy and didn’t work.” We are kinda bummed that someone made our job harder by giving you doubts. You also make a pretty big generalization that all therapy is the same. Not true.
  9. We may not seem as effected at the end of the hour as you. Most of the time, you do the heavy lifting, we focus on the technique and process. We still feel it, just not in the same way you do.
  10. Anyone who claims one profession (Psychology, Social Work or Counseling) is better than the other, has not done this work long enough to see they all fit. No one LMHP is better than another; it is a matter of client preference, clinician specialty and need specialty. Again, it is important to be licensed and certified. This lets you know the LMHP has met the minimum requirements to do the work. Then look for all the specialty work they have done.

 

Original Blog September 15, 2019 on Real Counseling: Licensed Mental Health Professionals Want to Know. Check out more of my Vlogs/Blogs on my Real Counseling Inc website.

Mark Tovar is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in the State of Texas and has worked in many areas of mental health: schools; treatment centers; judicial systems; colleges and universities; and with leaders and executives in our community. His passion is to help people lead more productive and fulfilling lives. He wants to empower you to improve your relationships, accomplish your goals, and still have time for you! Call (210) 588-0863 or email mark@realcounselinginc.com  to set up a FREE 15-minute consultation. Visit Mark Tovar’s Profile.

Why forgive?

Motivation Monday – Forgiveness is for you!

Original Blog October 2, 2019 on Real Counseling: Why Forgive?. Check out more of my Vlogs/Blogs on my Real Counseling Inc website.

Mark Tovar is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in the State of Texas and has worked in many areas of mental health: schools; treatment centers; judicial systems; colleges and universities; and with leaders and executives in our community. His passion is to help people lead more productive and fulfilling lives. He wants to empower you to improve your relationships, accomplish your goals, and still have time for you! Call (210) 588-0863 or email mark@realcounselinginc.com  to set up a FREE 15-minute consultation. Visit Mark Tovar’s Profile.

Leadership Style Hobbs vs Locke

There remains a pantheon of material on leadership styles. It is easy to get lost in concepts and believe that we are mastering a high level of leadership without going far into our emotional motivations and worldview, whereby leaders end up on a spectrum of Philosophy and Psychology within leadership. I purpose every leader should take inventory of how one’s philosophy affects the way one leads. To help further explain, I have enlisted two theories rooted in philosophy and psychology to parse out subtle distinctions of leadership.

Thomas Hobbs (1588) An English philosopher known for his work with ethics and the human condition. His contributions of thought to philosophy includes the belief that humans seek self-interest to the point of political or social unrest. He believed humans are motivated by self-preservation. It is noted that he was born in a time of war and the conflicts that he saw undoubtedly contributed to his stance. We must acknowledge the influence previous battles have had on us. Studying a theory of leadership alone does not relieve us from the events that shape us, deep introspection and a willingness to confront our assumptions allow us this acknowledgment.

The Hawthorne Effect (1920) This experiment showed employees productivity increased if they were aware that they were being observed. This formed the opinion that observation was initially a positive attribute in a work environment, however, later studies revealed that observation of employees can lead to decreased morale and production depending on the interpretation for the observation by the employee.

Let’s examine how we might process this information based on our leadership philosophy of Hobbsian/Hawthornian view of human nature. Initially, these statements below may seem exaggerated but remember, our basic motivating behaviors are not obvious, but rather covert. Notice how the points preserve the self-interest of the leader:

  • People left unsupervised have a natural inclination to skirt their duties, leading to a decrease in productivity.
  • Motivation must remain extrinsically provided for progress to be present.
  • I am a leader because I am the best for the position and others in power have ordained it; It must be true (Devine Right). My correction and guidance only benefit the employee leading to the overall improvement.
  • Anyone who is not able to perform as instructed has a work ethic deficit.

In the next example, you can clearly see the contrast of leadership in Lockean/Adlerian perspective compared to Hobbs.

John Locke (1632) A contrasting view is that of John Locke best known for his ubiquitous claim that man has the right to “Life, Liberty, and Property.” Obviously, he has a more liberal philosophy than Hobbs. Locke warned of coercion in systems of power and the right to resist if deemed against the interest of the people. Locke is considered one of the liberal fathers of the Enlightenment period.

Alfred Adler (1870) An Austrian psychiatrist and psychologist whose thoughts on social rights, and motivation correlates with Locke’s philosophical views. Most current leadership theory contains the philosophy that is listed within the positive motivation along the lines of Locke and Adler.

  • People attempt to progress to perfection as a natural human process.
  • Inferiority is a motivator to uphold what Adler called a “social interest” to work together for a common good. Think of a companies mission, vision, and values.
  • Someone who feels inferior may overcompensate with actions of superiority to overshadow their feelings of being inadequate.
  • An inability to perform as society expects is the result of a societal disconnection and could be rectified with stronger social support, increasing self-esteem and restructuring of goals.

It is unlikely that you are solidly on one side of the spectrum. However, when there is a difficulty within our leadership atmosphere (i.e a struggle with resources, communication, unsavory inter-office politics or fatigue) we are less likely to be good leaders, and by default exhibit self-preservation as our first defense. In the end, it is a battle between what kind of leader we think we are versus the leader that others see under stress. Our workforce is consistently within the 50% disengaged category. This shows us that leaders say they are providing positive leadership but, remain unaware of their philosophical and psychological views that translate into their actions.

Original Blog September 23, 2019 on Real Counseling: Leadership Style-Hobbs or Locke?. Check out more of my Vlogs/Blogs on my Real Counseling Inc website.

Mark Tovar is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor in the State of Texas and has worked in many areas of mental health: schools; treatment centers; judicial systems; colleges and universities; and with leaders and executives in our community. His passion is to help people lead more productive and fulfilling lives. He wants to empower you to improve your relationships, accomplish your goals, and still have time for you! Call (210) 588-0863 or email mark@realcounselinginc.com  to set up a FREE 15-minute consultation. Visit Mark Tovar’s Profile.

Does your family (know how to) talk to each other?

When was the last time your family sat together and talked and played a game?

Do you find yourself wishing your family could connect more? Does everyone spend evenings alone with their own electronic devices? Do you feel like you hardly know your partner, children, parents, siblings? I just heard about Describe cards , a card game designed to help stimulate conversation. Personal conversation. The kind where you walk away feeling like you know people better.

I really wish I had known about these when I was working in an agency, running counseling and therapy groups with as many as 20+ people or as few as two. The Discover cards include activities to get people to describe one another’s attributes, what they like about them, what they want to know better about them, and what individuals think of themselves. They include ice breakers, which I REALLY wish I had when I was running groups, as anyone who runs groups knows, this can be the most challenging element of group work.

I haven’t tried them yet myself, as I just learned about them this morning, but if you’re wishing your family, friends, or partner would talk more, you would like to know them better, or you’re just looking for a way to get people away from their screens and talking to each other, maybe give this a try. If you do, let me know how it goes!

Original Blog October 1, 2019 on Counseling For Resilience: Does your family (know how to) talk to each other?. Check out more of my Blogs on my website.

Lina Lewis-Arévalo MA, LPC, LCADC, NCC and is a Board-Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor. She encourages her clients to think of therapy as part of a journey of Wellbeing, which includes attention to sleep, nutrition, self-expression, connectedness, and bodywork. She is passionate about putting people at ease and helping them to reclaim their Best Selves. Whether your issues stem from early life trauma, ineffective communication skills, poor coping, low self-esteem, etc., she can help you recover that essential you and find joy in your life again. Call (609) 414-7978 or email LinaTherapistLPC@itherapymail.com to set up a session. Visit Lina Lewis-Arévalo’s Profile.

Stress may not be bad for your health – it depends on how you interpret it

Kelly McGonigal, in her 2019 TED Talk Kelly McGonigal: Can We Reframe The Way We Think About Stress, reveals that stress may not be as harmful as we have been led to believe. In her talk, McGonigal references a Harvard study that showed that re-framing our interpretation of our stress response as our body preparing us for action actually prevented any harmful health impact from stress. She further described how dopamine, released during the body’s stress response, encourages us to seek support, further mitigating any harmful impact of stress on our bodies. Choosing to view stress as helpful preparation, rather than Anxiety, gives us the ability to make the most of stressful situations by seeing ourselves as Courageous and strengthening our social support networks.

Next time you’re feeling stressed, take a moment to think about this amazing body, and take comfort.

Original Blog October 1, 2019 on Counseling For Resilience: Stress may not be bad for your health – it depends on how you interpret it. Check out more of my Blogs on my website.

Lina Lewis-Arévalo MA, LPC, LCADC, NCC and is a Board-Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor. She encourages her clients to think of therapy as part of a journey of Wellbeing, which includes attention to sleep, nutrition, self-expression, connectedness, and bodywork. She is passionate about putting people at ease and helping them to reclaim their Best Selves. Whether your issues stem from early life trauma, ineffective communication skills, poor coping, low self-esteem, etc., she can help you recover that essential you and find joy in your life again. Call (609) 414-7978 or email LinaTherapistLPC@itherapymail.com to set up a session. Visit Lina Lewis-Arévalo’s Profile.

Negativity and Gratitude

It’s easy for me to get very negative.

I’m not sure whether this is a remnant of a difficult early life, a personality flaw, or just poor coping skills, but I really dislike when I get that way. When I notice myself finding things to complain about all over the place, I reach out for help. The other day, I called my daughter and she reminded me to practice Gratitude. By the next day, I had a completely different attitude and found Joy everywhere I turned. There is a lot of research to support the idea of having a formal practice of Gratitude. And I do mean Practice. Whether it means keeping a Gratitude Jar or a Journal, or daily recording Three Good Things, taking five minutes at the end of the day to recall things that went well really impacts mental health and resilience.

If you find yourself, as I sometimes do, falling into a pattern of negativity, try adding a practice of Gratitude in your life. And let me know how it goes!

Original Blog September 28, 2019 on Counseling For Resilience: Negativity and Gratitude. Check out more of my Blogs on my website.

Lina Lewis-Arévalo MA, LPC, LCADC, NCC and is a Board-Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor. She encourages her clients to think of therapy as part of a journey of Wellbeing, which includes attention to sleep, nutrition, self-expression, connectedness, and bodywork. She is passionate about putting people at ease and helping them to reclaim their Best Selves. Whether your issues stem from early life trauma, ineffective communication skills, poor coping, low self-esteem, etc., she can help you recover that essential you and find joy in your life again. Call (609) 414-7978 or email LinaTherapistLPC@itherapymail.com to set up a session. Visit Lina Lewis-Arévalo’s Profile.

Why online? What’s that about?

“I’m too busy!”
“I can’t find anyone in my area.”
“I’m a caregiver.”
“I can’t leave my kids…patient…parents alone.”
“I don’t get home until late.”
“I’ve got to take the kids to sports practice.”
“I can’t leave the house because of my social anxiety…mobility issues…chronic illness.”

There are a host of issues getting in the way of your going to a therapist’s office. What if you didn’t have to?

With the advent of confidential, HIPAA-compliant phone, email, and video, online therapy is a growing industry with many advantages. You can see your individual therapist from the comfort of your own home. Appointments can be made for before work, after work, even weekends. Imagine being at your child’s sports practice or music lesson, or your parent’s medical visit, and using the waiting time to visit your therapist from the privacy of your laptop or phone.

Online therapists are licensed professionals with extensive training and at least a Master’s degree in counseling, psychology, or a related field. These professionals are required to continually educate themselves in their chosen field, and are bound to ethics regulations to protect your privacy and confidentiality. Why not give online counseling a try?

Original Blog September 28, 2019 on Counseling For Resilience: Why online? What’s that about?. Check out more of my Blogs on my website.

Lina Lewis-Arévalo MA, LPC, LCADC, NCC and is a Board-Certified, Licensed Professional Counselor. She encourages her clients to think of therapy as part of a journey of Wellbeing, which includes attention to sleep, nutrition, self-expression, connectedness, and bodywork. She is passionate about putting people at ease and helping them to reclaim their Best Selves. Whether your issues stem from early life trauma, ineffective communication skills, poor coping, low self-esteem, etc., she can help you recover that essential you and find joy in your life again. Call (609) 414-7978 or email LinaTherapistLPC@itherapymail.com to set up a session. Visit Lina Lewis-Arévalo’s Profile.